she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
