Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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