YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
