Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
