he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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