Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
