only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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