So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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