Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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