I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
