I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
