yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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