And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
