so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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