Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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