You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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