i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
