My nipple is on Facebook.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
