I wish I only lived at night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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