I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
