lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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