i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
