I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
