Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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