I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
