Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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