You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
