guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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