Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
