I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
