i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
