when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
