come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
