: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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