guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
