You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize