If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
