Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize