some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
