just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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