what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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