He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
