She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
