I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
