bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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