I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
