Dual....:-)
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
