After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
