I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
