i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
