I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
