Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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