I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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