i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
