roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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