I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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