i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize