Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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