I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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