Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize