you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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