Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
