Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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