Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
