I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
