I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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