Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
