evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize