Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
