so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
