She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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