if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
