I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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