So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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