At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
