there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
