im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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