i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
